Questions to ask on tinder to keep conversation going reddit

I was a serial swiper in my 20s. Now I'm a self-aware(ish) writer in my 30s.

I’ve been lured off Tinder by lesser men than you. I’m here to tell you what works and what doesn’t. With, like, neurotically specific templates.

Step #1: Notice Her

I get about a dozen Ur beautiful’s and Great smile’s every week. I’m sure many of the guys who send these messages are well-meaning. However, their compliments strike me as insincere. These guys haven’t met me and they haven’t seen my smile. How could they possibly mean what they say?

For your first message on Tinder, don’t focus on a girl’s physical appearance. Do, however, focus on her.

Ask a girl about something in her profile. This could be something she wrote in her bio or something apparent in her photos. Show that you stopped and paid attention to her and she’ll stop and pay attention to you.

Noticing lines begin with phrases like:

• So you said in your bio that…

• I saw in your profile that…

• I noticed…

• I see that you…

• So I understand that you…

Examples include:

• So, you’re a writer.

• You seem like you like hiking.

• It looks like you’ve been to Rome.

Step #2: Relate to Her

Many men stop at Step #1. They volley an observation that any primate could have made and expect the girl to take it from there. Or, if they go one step further, it’s to tack on a meaningless grunt of approval, like that’s cool or awesome.

You’re better than that.

After you make a specific observation about your match’s profile, add something that is (1) related to your observation and (2) tells your match something about you.

This is important. It makes you come alive as a match. You’re not a font of praise, nor are you an inexhaustible supply of jokes wearing critter pants. You’re an interesting dude, one with whom a gal could have an enjoyable conversation over whiskey sours. Right?

Relating lines begin with phrases like:

• I’ve always wanted to…

• I also…

• One of my goals is to…

• My favorite…

• The last time I…

Examples include:

• So, you’re a writer. I’ve always wanted to write a book.

• You seem to like hiking. One of my goals is to hike Mt. Everest.

• It looks like you’ve been to Rome. My favorite neighborhood in Rome was Trastevere.

Step #3: Ask Her a Question

You started the conversation with a noticing line.

You added some flesh to its bones with a relating line.

Now it’s time to breathe life into this baby with a question. But this is key: Avoid yes or no questions. You want to get this girl talking, so don’t give her the shortcut of a monosyllabic response.

Great questions begin with phrases like:

• How do you make time for…

• How do you balance X and Y?

• Who/What/Where/When do you…

• What drew you to…

• How did you get started with…

• Have you heard of…

• Have you been…

• Do you have a favorite…

• Do you prefer X or Y?

• What’s your opinion of…?

Putting it all together, our examples include:

• So, you’re a writer. I’ve always wanted to write a book. How do you make time for writing?

• You seem tolike hiking. One of my goals is to hike Mt. Everest. Do you prefer distance hikes or altitude hikes?

• It looks like you’ve been to Rome. My favorite neighborhood in Rome was Trastevere. What did you think of it?

Putting it All Together

Text these three opening phrases in one message or a series of three consecutive messages — it makes no difference. Once your match responds, you can be a bit more loose with these component parts. For example, you can say two relevant things about something you notice, or ask two questions about something that’s relevant.

As you repeat these component parts in various combinations, the conversation should start to flow. Your match might even start asking you questions. You have to remember that it’s rare for women to encounter observant, substantive, curious guys on Tinder. Be prepared to pique the interest of pastry chefs, kindergarten teachers, art history majors, hot lawyers, cute magazine editors who wear glasses unironically, and everyone in between.

That's a great way to think of it. At first I would try to adjust myself and say what I thought they thought might be funny. And then, of course, other times girls will send the first message, I'll respond with one line, no response for a couple hours, then i send a couple other lines of text to try and up the convo.

Then I rage quit(ed) for a few days and decided to treat online dating like a job, ie respond quickly to everything. That of course affects my real life.

And now I've just gotten back to being me.

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